My thoughts haunt me in my sleep as my unconscious slowly makes sense of my conscious. In a defining moment yesterday I made a decision to stand up for myself. To surround myself with people I want to be and leave behind those people I do not want to be. Yesterday I made a decision to close the door on a path I’ve spent so many years trying to attain. I selected a new branch on my life’s tree.

In a single moment I questioned where I’ve been and where I want to go. How my values play into my life. I questioned whether I was living those values. Was I surrounding myself with the people I want to be? Or was my judgment clouded by where I thought I wanted to go? Or by social norms?

I believe that to bring new things into my life, I must let go of old things. In my daily yoga practice, my teachers present: let go of those things that are no longer serving you. I believe we are clouded by where we think we are going or ought to go.

Perhaps my unconscious was merely thanking my conscious for finally listening.

I recently met with a man who asked me what I am passionate about. What would I do if I could do anything? If money, time, commitments were not part of my decision? If I could live my life my way, what would that look like? I cannot answer those questions in entirety. Maybe because I don’t really know or maybe because the truth would scare the crap out of me. Yesterday, somewhere inside of me, I answered, in part, where I want my life to go. Now it is up to me to pay attention to where that is.

This year my commitment, my resolution, was to take better care of me. It is easy to tackle the obvious, decrease sugar intake, eat more vegetables, exercise, commit to a daily yoga/meditation practice, weekly acupuncture, and monthly massage. The less obvious side of taking care of ourselves is the mind and the spirit. Paying special attention to what makes our heart sing. Am I dying a bit every day because I’m letting myself stay in a position (whether at work or in life) that I truly do not want to be in? When I leave the house am I cheerful? Do I want to go where I’m headed? Or do I dread my destination?

I believe we cannot commit to wellbeing without first consulting our spirit. I can draw a picture of what I want my life to look like. I can envision the details, what the library will look like inside the house, the fresh-cut Shasta daisies in a vase on the old barn wood table, the sun filtering in through the windows dancing across the floor as it moves through the sky with my dog chasing its light. What has always been a challenge is the detail of the spirit.

Who do I want to be inside? Who do I want to have as my friends? What values are really important to me above all else? What serves me? What moves me? Why am I holding onto things that do not fit? It is hard to tell if something does not fit if I do not know what fits at all. It is the philosophy that ultimately shapes our being.

I can look into the world and say that stealing is bad, murder is awful and rape may be the worst. But what about the lies I tell to myself every day? Those little lies to get me through the day. The lies that “just this once” it will be OK to stick with this or that, to hang around this person, or make that decision. The lies I tell myself so that I can live within my skin. The lies that oppose my values, yet conform to society’s view of where I’m supposed to be.

And when we stand up for ourselves, what happens? Ridicule. Judgment. So then we jump right back on the merry-go-round, and round, and round.

Sometimes when it’s really early, quiet, the birds still asleep, I find myself looking at my surroundings and wondering how in the hell did I get here? Not that all of here is bad or good, it just is. Did I choose here? Would I choose here again if I had it to do over? Or should I just be happy I’m here? Live in the moment, follow the cliché? Ignore my spirit with reckless abandon?

I say no! A defining NO.

Joyful Life Acupuncture offers weekly Community Acupuncture which is where I learned that I am chronically dehydrated. Not because I don't drink enough water, but because I only drink water! 
So I left with a handful of information on healthy living and electrolyte replacement. It takes 10 days to replenish electrolytes and stave off dehydration. 
Common signs of dehydration include: 

• frequent headaches
  
• frequent urination
  
• frequent muscle cramps or spasms
  
• achy joints
  

Food Babe offers four alternatives to sugar-rich sports drinks! If you don't have time to mix and match your own electrolytes, try some of these alternatives: Emergen C, Ultima, or Coconut Water (add the chia seeds!). You'll need to drink three 8-ounce servings over 10 days. 
Happy Hydration!  

Recently the following question was asked: who inspires you? 

Of course Jennifer Aniston for her always perfect hair. Jim Carey for making me feel a little less like a nut. Mary Decker for getting up off the track and running. Mary Lou Retton for nailing that perfect 10 on the vault. And, most recently, Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson for climbing the Dawn Wall, a photo of which I took using 110 film before I was 10 and has been framed in my living room almost as long.

But my true inspiration comes from the ordinary. My childhood friend, Reem, for everything. We've known each other since we were 10. I don't carry a memory from childhood without her in it in some way. She's classy, smart, sweet. Jennifer. She just works with it, whatever "it" might be. (This is actually true of both Jennifer's I know). Jennifer is the only one I know that wakes up earlier than me, who possibly has more energy than me. She is who I want to be when I grow up. Shirley, true Montana. Beautiful and full of life. She is her own person. Preserving the past, embracing the future. Kamala for simplicity. She enjoys the everyday moments most of us take for granted. 

I often spend so much time looking for answers away from where I am that I lose sight of what's right in front of me. It took me a month to answer this question. It wasn't until I was running around the track in Truckee that I found what I was looking for; inspiration in what was around me. Not only in the things, but the people. People that have been in my life for more years than I've fingers and toes. Each of my friends I keep because they inspire me. 

December 30th I received a call from one of my closest friends: 

• her: Hey, wanna do the Reno Tahoe Odyssey?
• me: Sure, what's that?
• her: We run from Reno to Truckee, around Lake Tahoe, over to Carson City and back to Reno as a relay team of 12 and we need more people.
• me: OK.

January 2nd. Run. Success. I did not fall, trip or stumble. I ran the entire course. I will be ready to run the relay in the fall, if the relay was in the fall. The relay is the end of May, 2015 --just five months from now. I will commit to run daily.
January 3rd. Is this my body? I cannot move. I want to get out of bed, but my legs are screaming "NO". My ankles are not rotating. I cannot reach my toes to count if they're still there. Five months. I pour out of bed. Reach for my toes once more. Almost. Coffee will fix this. I harness Theo, my puppy, who seems completely unaffected by yesterday's run. Secretly I'm jealous. I put the spikes on my running shoes-I will be on snow and ice today. I decide to walk to start. When I get to the snow I begin to run. I have to stop to allow the dog to do his business, ahh, rest. Run. Stop again for Theo to mark a tree, ahh, more rest. Run. Stop a third time just to stop, but I will blame it on the dog since no one is watching to question. Ahh, rest. Waddle for another 2 miles. Home. Juice. Once again, I can no longer touch my toes. Five months?